What a whirlwind!

     The past week has been INSANE! 
     Thursday morning I got up and went to work like normal. I was running late so I decided to stop and get breakfast to jump start my day. About an hour after eating my biscuit. I was in excruciating pain in my stomach. so much so that I just stood at my desk and cried (sitting down hurt too much). My boss decided that he couldn't take it anymore, so he called hubby and took me to the local ER. After about 3 hours of tests it was determined that I had large cysts that were rupturing at a rapid rate. I was sent home with some pain meds, and told to sleep off the rest of the day. My husband stayed beside my bed the whole time, and just prayed for me. I fell in love a little bit more. We called the doctor who was seeing me for all the infertility issues, and she said that it is normal, I would need more tests, but surgery to scrape was probably in my immediate future. I did as was told, and slept all of Thursday away. 
     Friday I had to get up and get some work done at the office, still in allot of pain, and still sore from the day before. My bosses didn't ask me to stay long, and did what I had to and left. Slowly as the day went on I began to feel better, (or the meds were working) and I decided I wasn't going to be a victim of PCOS anymore. I enjoyed the rare day off with Mike and partook in some Veteran's day freebies.  There were no issues other than a stinging pain in my stomach, (this pain I knew, it was more cysts rupturing). 
     Saturday night we picked my niece up like we normally do and took her to a special service at our church. I'm still not exactly sure what happened, but she fell and busted her face open pretty bad. I am not a parent, but I have never been so scared, never been so unsure of my abilities, and never been so nervous to handle her in my life. I have been around babies my whole life, I have taken countless education classes, and have taught for 3 years... I KNEW what to do, but all I could think about was "Please let her be okay, STAY CALM MARIE" and as the blood poured from her lip, my hands just trembled, and I could do nothing but rock her. Mike and I got her home, and we traded off every hour to check on her to make sure she was okay. Watching how good he was with her in that moment. I fell in love even more. He WILL be an amazing Daddy one day. I realized that as much as I love her, and she is not even mine the love a parent must feel is overwhelming. 
       I want to ask for prayers for a few things. I didn't budget our money very well this month, and spent money somewhere that has put us close to dangerous. I was unaware of this until yesterday. Thankfully before I went to buy some things I checked. Well as my period was ending I knew I needed to go get my ovulation predictors. One month of these things ranges from $40-$60. We just do not have that now. 
     This week is the big week for me. Thursday I go to the doctor and I am preparing for the worst, yet hoping for the best. I don't let myself think about it, because I get anxiety. I know that there is a plan for us, I know that God has mapped out our path. I am just not ready for that path to not lead to parenthood. Mike and I have both been praying diligently about "letting it be God's will" but I think I am failing, because I want it to be mine. Pray that as I go about the week I can find some peace. SOMEWHERE. 
     Last thing, I have been reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan with my Sunday school class and I was challenged this week to do something "crazy" for Christ. I THINK I know what I want to do, but it would take me stepping WAY out of my comfort zone. I'm not sure if I am ready to jump that far. I know I want to, but I am praying that I find the courage to actually do so. 
     
As always thanks for reading!