Oh, the irony.

On October 24, 2012, I sat in a waiting room for an ultrasound that was to begin at 3:45pm.

I was shaking, nervous, and so beyond thankful. I was pregnant. It was really happening.

Today, Thursday, October 24, 2013, at 3:45 pm, I am sitting in the same doctor's office, same waiting room,  having the same ultrasound done, except this time it is to confirm that everything is looking great. I will officially be one step away from FET. Last check up before we travel.

It is with grateful hearts that I can report, because of the amazing love and kindness of so many, we ARE going to Chicago. The money was raised and $1,700 was debited from our account Tuesday morning.

Today has been a day of sadness for me, but also a day to look forward to this amazing chapter that is being written. I will always love that tiny miracle, and will take a small amount of time to immerse myself in the feelings from last year. But, I also will say a prayer for the roads we have traveled this past year. I KNOW that miracles can happen. With your help we watched as the impossible, God made possible!

Sitting in this waiting room I am still be nervous, scared, and again so far beyond thankful, so much so that my brain could not comprehend last year!


THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

We need a miracle

Call it being stubborn, call it ingenuity, call it whatever you wish. I refuse to give up.

As if the week I have been having isn't bad enough (mother admitted to hospital, then admitted to rehab, having to stay with her to help ease anxiety, and explain care, completely wrecking my car (STUPID DEER), and having to battle for insurance to pay for medicines that I must have) the worst possible thing to happen did.

We were told on Friday that because of the emergency procedures done in Chicago, we have to pay the remaining balance before we can proceed, BEFORE MONDAY! Monday morning we have to have $1700!

The only way this is going to happen, is through Christ. The same man that moves mountains, and heals the sick, can make this happen! We need all of your help. If you can donate, we need 17 people to take this leap of faith with us. 17 people $100 a piece, in 24 hours. Can you please help us, and know that we are desperate at this point. I have come so far and endured so much to have to hear again..... "You have to wait."

God is a MIGHTY GOOD GOD!  Please donate!

1 in 4

On a normal day in October of 2012 I scrolled through Facebook to see multiple friends post status' about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Having had 2 very good friends who had experienced both of these, I wanted to let them know I was thinking about them and praying for their hearts. One friend had experienced 2 miscarriages and now has 2 beautiful girls, ond the other sadly lost her litt boy at 23 weeks. My heart hurt for my friends. Words were not adequate, but it was a least something.

"Thank you both for being so strong in your faith. Thank you for being my friend. I will never know how you each survived the pain of your experience, but you proved that God still reigns…" 

Never would I have imagined that in less that 2 weeks from that e-mail, I would join that elusive club. The club of loss and pain. The club that no one wants or asks to be a part of. 

My heart hurts for so many of my friends who are remembering their angles today. I remember with you, and unfortunately I mourn with you. 

Today is a day about awareness. Mike and I made the difficult decision to be very public about our treatments and this was not traditional, So many people have to suffer alone because they are ashamed or embarrassed. THERE IS NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT! 

Infertility is a disease just like diabetes, cancer, or depression. We did not choose this for ourselves, and I can speak for all of us when I say that we would give anything for a cure.

Say a prayer for those families who are hurting and remembering today. Pray for their peace to mourn their child or in some cases children. While I know some who have had the happiness after the pain, so many haven't. I also pray for those to find the strength to endure whatever path they are on. IUI, IVF, adoption, surrogacy, or simply just saying enough is enough. I love you all. 

I am so thankful I sent that e-mail to my friends. I took a moment that day to reflect on their strength and courage. It was fresh in my heart and mind for me to fight back when I became 1 in 4. 

IVF Update: OHSS

I promised I would update later on everything that happened over IVF. I want it to be very clear that in no shape, form or fashion am I complaining. I believe IVF was a ministering opportunity for us, but I do want to make anyone aware of side effects that can potentially happen. Things happen exactly how they are supposed to. In the book of Jeremiah it clearly states "For I know the plans I have for you…" God knew what was going to happen before we even made it to Chicago. He knew the outcome, and he knows how this will all end.

After waiting for 4 days longer than we were supposed to our retrieval was set for 7:30 on September 12, 2013. I had all of the symptoms before retrieval, but once I was released I never knew the kind of pain you could experience. Our nurses started warning us on Monday of that week that it looked like I was over stimulating. Over Hyperstimulation Syndrome or OHSS is severe, and can be deadly. I remember praying to be able to retrieve at least enough for one cycle. I just needed 2 or 3. They retrieved 39! For OHSS patients 25-30 is considered abnormally high.

Thursday morning on the way to the center was painful. It hurt to fully sit down, it hurt to lay down, and any pressure on my abdomen was excruciating. I was sure once I woke up it would get better. The eggs were removed. We were released and told to go back to the hotel and rest. I layed on the couch and was able to sleep with some pain meds. I woke up 2 hours later and could not stand all the way up. It felt like my stomach was being pulled in half. When I tried to use the restroom it was excruciating. There was so much pressure on my bladder that it hurt. About 2 hours after getting home the nurse called, and asked me my symptoms. She said to push electrolytes and sodium. She also asked Mike to go buy a scale so I could monitor my weight. Pretzels, heating pad, gatorade, chicken broth, medicine repeat. This was my afternoon and early evening. Around 9:30 I got the worst migraine headache that led to extreme nausea. Mike gave me my last Loratab for pain, and I fell asleep. About 3:30AM I woke up knowing I was sick. I threw up for the next 2 hours.
At 6AM we called the center and I explained my symptoms. I really wanted the transfer to happen, so I down played how sick I was, but after realizing how sick I was, I confessed. We were instructed to travel 45 minutes to the main hospital downtown, not eat anything else, and once we got there tell them to examine me immediately for surgery. Once we arrived, I just told them my name, and they took me straight to the ultrasound room. After seeing a tech, nurse and doctor they reduced my fears, and said I should feel better in the days to come.
Satruday morning I knew I would be getting ready to head home. Our chances were reduced and my body would never sustain a pregnancy. So here we are, one month from our Frozen Embryo Transfer, or FET.
I haven't felt normal in over a month. I still am taking daily medications (Lupron) to suppress ovulation. Lupron gives me the worst headaches, hot flashes, and a sweet tooth that could rival Mr. Wonka. This will all be worth it! I know it!