Today is your estimated due date. Today is the day that I was so sure all of our dreams were going to come true. Today is the day that for 3 days I prayed would hurry up and get here.
3 Days. 72 Hours. 4,320 minutes. 259,200 seconds. I loved you every second. I loved you long before I knew, and I love you still.
I think you about you every day, but especially today. I think about you when I see the scars that were left behind when they took you out. I think about you when I drive by that hospital. I think about you when I hear a certain song, or think about Halloween. I think about you now when we are starring down IVF, I didn't think I would ever need this. I had you! You were so so so wanted. You were so loved!
A very big part of me wants to be sad about today. I want to be angry I never got to know you, but instead I have to be happy that you existed. I got to see the looks on so many of our families and friends faces, as I told them you were finally happening. No matter the outcome, those memories I will never forget. Just when I thought I was done, and I couldn't go anymore, you restored my hope in miracles. YOU were my miracle.
For 3 days I prayed the next nine months would fly by, but instead I have spent the past 8 1/2 months dreading this day. In my perfect little dream you are here, and you are healthy, you are this beautiful combination of your Daddy and I. You are so perfect, too perfect in fact, way to perfect to live in this broken world. So you don't. You live in my memories of all the plans I had for you, you live in my heart.
Thank you for being my miracle.
Love,
Mommy
Today will be hard. Today is just going to plain suck, the only silver lining is we do have something to look forward to. In September we will be pursuing IVF, but it is costly. Would you please be in prayer with us, and if you feel led there is a link to the right to donate to our cause. Every dime we will be spent towards this trip and achieving this miracle that we are so desperately in search of. We love you all! Thank you for going on this journey with us.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
To the father who didn't get to be.
My heart aches today. I have had several breakdowns throughout the day, because Mike can't celebrate today. I am very aware that one week from now should be the day that we are celebrating the birth of our child. If my perfect little dream had come true I could be either VERY VERY pregnant right now, or holding our newborn child. Today hurts more than other years, because as much as I want to be a Mom, I want to make Mike a father. He is the epitome of what a good Dad is. He deserves this. In the 3 short, blissful, amazing days we had to know about our child he was a doting Dad. He talked to his child, he loved his child's mom in a way that took my breath away. He put plans in place to ensure that any child of his would be loved, and know they were everything to him. So to the father who isn't today. This is for you..
There are no words for today. I ache to make you a father, and while we were so close, this day reminds me of how far we were. I am absolutely sure of one thing in this life, you were meant to be a Dad. Those 3 sweet days we had make want to hold on for our future. In the days that followed that awful day our dream ended and now YOU are what make me push through. You are the strongest man I know, and you amaze me with the selfless love you have. There is NO ONE in this world who is more proud of you, or loves you more that I do.
So for you, and only for you I will fight in the next couple months. I will endure any procedure, I will endure any shot, I will take it all, and fight to make this procedure a success because you my dear sweet handsome husband deserve to be a father. I am so blessed that in this life whatever child(ren) we may have. They get YOU as a Dad. Thank you for reminding me what we are fighting for, that you for constantly reassuring me, and for simply holding me while I cry. I can't promise that these next couple weeks are going to be a walk in the park, because they won't. I do promise you tell you how much I love you every single day, and hopefully 1 year from now we can celebrate your first official Father's Day!
I love you now and always,
Me
Happy Father's Day
Love, Brownie, Tiger, Ginger (and the best angel Daddy there is to PJ)
There are no words for today. I ache to make you a father, and while we were so close, this day reminds me of how far we were. I am absolutely sure of one thing in this life, you were meant to be a Dad. Those 3 sweet days we had make want to hold on for our future. In the days that followed that awful day our dream ended and now YOU are what make me push through. You are the strongest man I know, and you amaze me with the selfless love you have. There is NO ONE in this world who is more proud of you, or loves you more that I do.
So for you, and only for you I will fight in the next couple months. I will endure any procedure, I will endure any shot, I will take it all, and fight to make this procedure a success because you my dear sweet handsome husband deserve to be a father. I am so blessed that in this life whatever child(ren) we may have. They get YOU as a Dad. Thank you for reminding me what we are fighting for, that you for constantly reassuring me, and for simply holding me while I cry. I can't promise that these next couple weeks are going to be a walk in the park, because they won't. I do promise you tell you how much I love you every single day, and hopefully 1 year from now we can celebrate your first official Father's Day!
I love you now and always,
Me
Happy Father's Day
Love, Brownie, Tiger, Ginger (and the best angel Daddy there is to PJ)
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