Week 20

WE ARE HALFWAY THERE!!!

5 months. I still get giddy thinking we made it to such a huge milestone. We are officially on the downhill, and more importantly halfway to meeting our sweet girl.

At Christmas, my sweet friend Margie gave me this chalkboard sign, and I wanted to document week by week. I haven't posted all of theses, because I remember the sting every time seeing one, desperately wanting it to be me. We have them, because I want to document this part of her life for her, but they will stay here only, so if you don't want to see them you can make that decision.

 5 Months! I feel like I woke up one morning and this belly appeared. It makes me so excited that she is getting bigger, and the Dr. said she is right in the position she needs to be.

How far along? 20 weeks

Total weight gain? Suprisingly only 5 lbs so far, I fought really hard to loose weight and achieved 61 lbs before IVF. I did gain some back from not exercising any after the SCH scare. But from Day 1 of pregnancy till week 20 has only been 5lbs. 

Maternity clothes? Yes. I discovered the joy of maternity clothes! I remember crying in the changing room, and feeling relieved, my clothes all hurt! 

Stretch marks? Not yet. I can see them faintly coming though. 

Sleep: What's that? I have horrible insomnia, and our cat has gone crazy thinking it's okay to wake me up when her Daddy leaves for work (3 am!!)

Best moment this week: I finally felt her kick! 19 weeks 4 days. Very faint but it was a moment I anxiously prayed for! 

Miss anything? I'm just now realizing how much I will miss my old life. I am so ready to give it up, but learning in these next months I have to slow down and get ready for the new normal has been really tough. Mike and I have been on our own for almost 10 years, letting that get up and go aspect is hard. But I am so ready to do it! 

Movement: FINALLY! 

Food cravings: It's sad really. Ice cream. I have to have it ALL THE TIME! Which is why I was so surprised of the weight gain. 

Anything making you feel queasy or sick: All of the morning sickness I had, and it was pretty bad, thankfully went away around week 14, but it has come back with a vengeance! Everything makes me sick again. Which is okay, it means her taste buds are forming. 

Showing? Yes!

Gender: GIRL

Labor signs: Nope.

Symptoms: SUPER emotional, random gagging through out the day, and fatigue. 

Belly button in or out? In.

Wedding ring on or off? Off. Only because I lost it about a month ago. A new ring is just not in the budget right now.  

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy. Anxious. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure this week, so I'm concentrated on getting her here safely! Not a minute before July! 

Looking forward to: Another Doctor's visit. We get to finally see the Doctor that began this journey with us, and also checking in with the high risk specialist to see how SCH is looking, and will be her anatomy scan! Let's hope she's still a girl! 

What’s Going on With Baby:

• She weighs about 10.5 ounces now, and is about 10 inches from head to heel. She’s the length of a banana!
• She is swallowing more, and producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. Lovely.
• Her limbs are becoming more distinguished. 
• Is starting to look like Mike and I more and more. The tech even said her chin is very prominent HELLO DADDY! 

It's so hard to believe in 4-5 months I get to finally meet this little girl that I waited so long for! 

Grace Rebecca

Last year, after trying for so long for a baby, Mike and finally did something that we haven't done in so long. We put treatments second and Mike said my birthday present would be a trip to New York City.

I remember getting home and asking Mike, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TOP THIS NEXT YEAR! 

It was definitely topped! 

The doctor told me on our first visit I would have another scan done on week 17 to check for the SCH. This was 10 days before my birthday so I KNEW what I wanted to do. The scan was done and she placed the results in an envelope. The tech said it was certain what it was, I just had to wait 5 days! 

I wanted the reveal to be at church and we invited several of our family and friends. I wanted the people there that have invested so much of themselves with us to be able to experience this moment. 

I also wanted to be the last to know. I wanted Mike to be included, and say he knew something about this pregnancy before I did. So right before we cut the cake, I buried my head into his shoulder and waited on him to whisper in my ear his/her name. The moment I heard "it's Grace". How appropriate, it is Grace and by grace alone that we have gotten to this point. God's amazing grace and love gave me Grace Rebecca! 

I am so excited to have a little girl! I was so nervous that she wouldn't feel special from other family members because there is already girls on both sides, but how naive I was. Gracie is special for so many reasons, and to see the way both of our parents smile when we talk about her, I know all my worries were for nothing. The only one who WAS disappointed was my niece Hayden who so wanted a little boy cousin.

For our family who couldn't be there. 

Long overdue!

Yes, I am still alive!

The good news that I still have to pinch myself when I say this, I'M PREGNANT!! We are super duper second trimester pregnant!

I have all the blog posts that I have written over the last 3 months, but I am very verbose and there are some things that I do want to keep to myself!

But I can break it down for you.

November 21, 2013- I was actually at the hospital with my sister for her surgery. She had discovered that at 10 weeks she had a miscarriage. While one life was being taken away upstairs, I prayed so hard that a new life was just beginning for us. Fast forward to 1:30pm, I am outside with a customer at work showing granite selections off when the number I have memorized pops up. The amazing nurse that was with us from the very first appointment, who told me on transfer day that she was so confident in our little "fighters" told me my HCG was 117. I was pregnant! PREGNANT! IVF REALLY WORKED!! I screamed and then had to politely excuse myself from customers. PREGNANT! Went home and got to celebrate with Mike. He was elated! We knew this was it, this was our happily ever after.

November 22, 2013- I got to go to the hospital we had originally started at and give my favorite nurse the news. She even prayed over the little tube of blood that she took from me. Thankfully there wasn't much of a wait this time. Our number was 240! It had doubled in 1 day! Things were so surreal.

November 25, 2013- Went back for a follow up where the HCG should be in the 500's. All day I had major cramp like pains that made me worry. I prayed constantly. I wanted God to show he was in charge of this journey! I specifically asked God to make the number at least 480. Just so it doubled. 545.6! I will never understand why I question My God!

November 28, 2014- The number had continued to double and was well in the 2000's now. Our first glimpse at the tiny miracle that I prayed so long would come.

It's intentionally blurry, because I am not really supposed to have this picture. 

December 9, 2013- A normal day at work. Mike called and I remember telling him my stomach just felt weird. I thought I just needed the bathroom (TMI, I know). Around 4 is when I noticed the blood. I called Mike who was on his way, and drove myself to the ER. The cramps started pretty bad, and I just felt like I couldn't breathe. I was devestated. How could this happen again? After 9 hours in the ER, that included not getting put into a regular room until almost midnight, an ultrasound tech trying to make conversation, about how fast children grew up, at one point she even asked me "you know, it just happens so fast, while I just turned my head and cried, and also included a very exhausted me looking at Mike and saying "why don't we just leave, we know what's happening." Consider me shocked when at 1:42am they diagnosed me with a Subchorionic Hematoma (SCH). The baby was alive and fine! We were told to go home and rest.

December 15, 2013- Happy Anniversary husband! I am at church when I get extremely lightheaded. I get sweaty, clammy, and the room starts spinning. I go to the bathroom and see more blood, worse this time. Another visit to the ER, where Mike left work and met me there, and at one point I got so sick, I ended up accidentally throwing up all over him. The man didn't even FLINCH! He just sat there, and rubbed my back, and soothed me. More tests were run, but in the end our little fighter is still around and kicking away.

This was taken 2 days before the ER visit. The darker shade to the right is the SCH. 

January 6, 2014- Our first OB appointment, what a surreal moment, to think I would never have this, and to see this tiny miracle that we fought so hard for. After an ultrasound they determined the SCH is still there, and is significant. We were referred to the high risk specialist who will take over care from here on. The high risk specialist informed us that a normal delivery might be out of the question, but it would take time to determine definitely.

February 14, 2014- Another appointment with the high risk specialist where she discovered the sex of the baby. We wouldn't know for almost a week, but the anticipation was worth it. That post is coming.

My scrunched up Valentine. 

February 18, 2014- The best birthday cake I have ever had. Mike and Marie Duncan who have never had it easy when it came to having a family, got to cut into a cake and discover we are having a little GIRL!!! Grace Rebecca Duncan, I can't wait to meet you and finally hold you in my arms.