Promises

Each month before Mike goes to drill there is always a nagging pain in my stomach that he will come home with "the news". A couple friends on Facebook have been posting really cryptic messages since last drill. Since Mike was not there, I have answers to my many questions. I found this today, and it helped me understand a little more. 

A Military Mans promise:

I cannot promise you every night of my life. I cannot promise to be beside you for every difficult moment, every trial, and every hardship. In truth, I can promise you that I will not be with you for most. I will leave you at inconvenient times. Any special date to us may be tainted with the anniversary of the death of one of my friends. I will ask you to take over whatever life we have built together for months and years at a time. And will then crash back into that life that you have used your sweat, your tears and your heartache to keep together, and try to take it back as I knew it before.

I will shut you out at times because it will be the best way for me to hold it together at that moment. I will lie to you. I will tell you I don't know things when I do. I will not always tell you where I am going, when I will be back, or who I am with. I may not call you for weeks and months and you will not be able to call me. You will ask questions that I won't answer. You will know answers to questions that you will hope you never need.

I will share things with my brothers that you will never understand. They will know things about me that you never will. They will be a support to me in some things that you cannot be. I will miss birthdays. I will miss anniversaries. I may need time to process things that seem natural to everyone else.

It will seem that someone - or something - will always take precedence over you.

I will uproot you and ask you to re-establish our family anywhere in the world, in any season, at any time - over and over again. Sand and mud will be tracked through your halls from the boots I am too tired to take off.

I will leave you when you beg me not to. I will stand at attention while you cry beside me. I will not turn my head and I will walk away. I will knowingly break your heart. And I will do it again - and again. I cannot promise you all of me. I cannot promise you much of anything.

But if you will have me, I can promise that as I march away from you, it is not without sharing your heartache. I promise you that every time I break your heart I will be breaking mine. Every time that I cannot answer you I will be protecting you. Whenever you want to call and you have no number to dial, I will be wanting to do the same. I will protect everything that we have created together with every fiber of my being while you do the same back at home. I will honor you in everything - every moment that we are apart and every moment that I am with you. I will fight harder and push further knowing that I do so for you. And I will carry you with me in everything, until my sandy boots once again sit just inside our door.

A Military Spouse's promise:

I cannot promise that I will not become frustrated when you leave me and the world seems to fall apart around me. I cannot promise that I will not curse those who sent you when the dryer breaks, and the transmission needs to be replaced, and the dog eats the couch all in the same week - most likely the week after you deploy. I cannot promise that the sand and mud that cakes my floor will not cause me to give you harsh looks and rude thoughts. I cannot promise that my heart will not be torn in twelve different ways when you march away from me. I cannot promise that I will not let my anger show when you refuse to answer questions. I cannot promise to understand why you share things with your comrades that you will not share with me. I cannot promise that there won’t be times when my heartache makes its presence known before my pride can mask it. I cannot promise that I will not show my worry and my concern when it is best for you not to see it. I cannot promise to understand why you do so many of the things you do.

I can promise that for as many tears of sadness and frustration and anger that are shed there will be double that of tears of pride. I can promise you that for every time you are away from me, I will learn to cherish the times that you are with me. In everything I will honor you and honor your sacrifice. I can promise to teach our children to do the same. I will use every moment that you are not with them to show them the amazing man that you are through my actions and my pride. I can promise that there will never be a night where you are not the subject of my final prayer and the keeper of my dreams. I promise to try to be understanding that there are many things I will never understand. I promise to keep you with me in everything and to do my best to keep grace in this life. I will be strong for you as you are strong for me and I will carry you with me in every moment until your sandy boots again sit just inside our door.

Lessons

Yes it's cheesy to get quotes from a TV show, but this was kind of appropriate.

"Take a look at your self in the mirror. Who do you see looking back? Is it the person that you want to be? Or is there someone else you were meant to be, the person you should have been but feel short of. Is someone telling you that you can't or you won't. Because you can. Believe that love is out there. Believe that dreams come true every day, because they do. Sometimes happiness doesn't come from money, or fame or power. Sometimes happiness come from good friends or family and from the quiet nobility of leading a good life. Believe that dreams come true every day, because they do. Believe that dreams come true EVERY day, because they do. So take a look in that mirror, and remind your self to be happy, because you deserve to be. BELIEVE THAT. and believe that dreams come true every day, because they do.".

Thank you One Tree Hill for your insight today.

A nice slap in the face by reality.

This weekend our church youth went to a convention that Mike and I were asked to help chaperone.
The weekend was powerful for them, and I am hoping they took something away from such a powerful message. As a "leader" my job was to make sure no one got hurt-meaning no one was missing any body parts, and that they were safe. But as a "leader" you really do sacrifice so much......

• I will never get back the 15+ hours I missed out on in sleep. 
• The pain in my calf muscles will not go away for a LONG time. 
• I will never understand the mind of a teenager. 
• I will not be out of this stupid boot for at least another week, (stupid move, Marie to walk EVERYWHERE)!!

What I got out of it was so much more, though. I learned that teenagers today battle SOOO many more challenges than I ever dreamed of in high school. I learned that the kids who seem to "have it all" are breaking inside. I learned that no matter how good of an idea it seems, haunted houses are NEVER a good idea. I learned that Jamie Grace IS as cool as she sounds. I learned Matt McCoy's eye color is just not fair, (seriously, GOOGLE Matt McCoy Band)  I learned that comedy CAN be funny without all the cussing. I learned there is nothing more attractive to me than seeing your husband with his hands folded together, head bowed and praying. Then the most important lesson of all I learned was this...."God wants to see that you appreciate the little things, before he will let you have the BIG things".... 

   A lesson that was intended for high school students, I just heard the phrase that shook me to my core. So that is what I am striving to do. Be more appreciative of all of the small things I have. I started this weekend with telling SOMEONE something that I am thankful for that day. Today, I am thankful for A LOT. I am thankful that I got the opportunity to be with those "kids" this weekend. I am thankful that I had someone who took a chance on us, and chaperoned our trip. I value her so much more now. I am thankful for seeing Christ through my husband. I am thankful that those girls want to know more about Christ and they think I "have it all". I am thankful I am not a teenager anymore. I am thankful that I still can learn a lesson in the most peculiar ways. 

2011 all wrapped up.

2011 has come and gone and i'm not sure where it all went. I will recap the weekend and then in another post, recap my year.
New Year's eve was a busy busy day! The day started with something I have been dreading since May. My best friend is expecting her second child, and I was a part of a group that threw her a baby shower. In a weird way it helped. I spent most of the morning crying, even making myself late because of it. Somewhere between our house and my first stop, I decided I wasn't going to let MY sadness ruin HER day! That was untill I walked in the first store. As I was carrying balloons out to my car... "Oh, it's about time you 2 had a baby! Is the baby due next month?" Something about hearing the words... "it's about time" hurt more than the rest....... (which by the way I am no super model, I will never win a bathing suit award, nor will you ever catch me in a 2 piece, BUT I do not feel like I look 8 months pregnant. Shoot me if I do) but hearing about time . Felt like every thought I had had about this crazy stupid journey was staring me in the face and laughing!! I quickly walked out of the store and cried in the car with my dear sweet daddy who always tries to make me feel better. We began talking about the future, and my hopes for a baby shower, and my wishes that someone cares enough to throw one for me. <Pity Party, I KNOW> 
As we pulled into the church I got the time I needed to gather all my thoughts, and accept that just because today wasn't my day, it WAS my best friend's day, and I should be happy for her. Lately I can't shake the feeling that their is a distance in the 2 of us and I know it is my fault. So I am working on it, for her and for our friendship.
The shower turned out really nice. Several people showed up and I liked seeing her so excited and seeing all the stuff she got for Lily was exciting!
I do have some small talent in creating Diaper cakes for people. This was probably my favorite so far.

Then it was off to celebrate the new year! I am excited to say goodbye to 2011, and excited to see what 2012 has in store for us. At the stroke of 2012, my husband leaned over and gave me a kiss and whispered to me that this was the year that all of our dreams were going to come true. Then we both closed our eyes for a quick second and said a prayer. I hope this is how the whole year can stay. To be completely in love and centered on Christ.

2011 was hard, but it was possible. It was manageable. I know more than I ever have that there is a purpose and I learned all through this past year. I met some amazing people that I will know forever, I learned who my real friends were, and I found out who wasn't really. I reconnected with people that I thought were lost to me. I learned to believe in miracles again....... on December 26, 2011 when I didn't have a hope in the world I woke up to this........

Just when I thought all hope of ever seeing my dreams come true in 2011 was lost, I got a positive ovulation test for the first time naturally in 3 years. NEVER, has that happened. At the beginning of the month I was so nervous I had lost my chance, because I did not want to waste a month of Clomid when I wasn't sure on the dates, then I got this! 

MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!! 

In 2011 I learned how to have hope, I learned how to forgive, and most importantly I learned how to LOVE

2011 has made a path for an incredible 2012!!!!!!