Today is your estimated due date. Today is the day that I was so sure all of our dreams were going to come true. Today is the day that for 3 days I prayed would hurry up and get here.
3 Days. 72 Hours. 4,320 minutes. 259,200 seconds. I loved you every second. I loved you long before I knew, and I love you still.
I think you about you every day, but especially today. I think about you when I see the scars that were left behind when they took you out. I think about you when I drive by that hospital. I think about you when I hear a certain song, or think about Halloween. I think about you now when we are starring down IVF, I didn't think I would ever need this. I had you! You were so so so wanted. You were so loved!
A very big part of me wants to be sad about today. I want to be angry I never got to know you, but instead I have to be happy that you existed. I got to see the looks on so many of our families and friends faces, as I told them you were finally happening. No matter the outcome, those memories I will never forget. Just when I thought I was done, and I couldn't go anymore, you restored my hope in miracles. YOU were my miracle.
For 3 days I prayed the next nine months would fly by, but instead I have spent the past 8 1/2 months dreading this day. In my perfect little dream you are here, and you are healthy, you are this beautiful combination of your Daddy and I. You are so perfect, too perfect in fact, way to perfect to live in this broken world. So you don't. You live in my memories of all the plans I had for you, you live in my heart.
Thank you for being my miracle.
Love,
Mommy
Today will be hard. Today is just going to plain suck, the only silver lining is we do have something to look forward to. In September we will be pursuing IVF, but it is costly. Would you please be in prayer with us, and if you feel led there is a link to the right to donate to our cause. Every dime we will be spent towards this trip and achieving this miracle that we are so desperately in search of. We love you all! Thank you for going on this journey with us.
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