Tuesday.

Not sure why this didn't post. It was wrote on Saturday June 23, 2012.

Today, while I lay by the pool, I can't help but feel sad. I have this adorable 5 month old baby laying on my chest, and I am surrounded by incredible friends, but still sadness.
Tuesday is the day we OFFICIALLY start our next step in the TTC journey. We have a meeting with a reproductive specialist to begin IUI.
I feel almost like a puppy dog who has a bone being dangled in front of me. They throw and I fetch. At  every appointment, the doctors make a suggestion as to what I should do next. Give me medicine, and tell me to follow up. Never any real solutions, so here we are 2 years after seeing this doctor the second time, and I am still childless. I have conquered the list of things that they have asked me to do. My fear is that it will all be the same. They will say you still need to do...this, this and this. My biggest fear that I am trying to suppress is that I am not a candidate any longer for IUI, I must go directly to IVF.
Please say a prayer that Tuesday goes well. I am trying NOT to let it consume my every thought but am failing. I NEED it to go well.