Its approximately 11:45 at night. Tomorrow is our big "appointment". I have given up the idea of sleeping tonight. I'm frustrated, I'm scared, and I am nervous. Tomorrow could go so well, and yet so bad at the same time. I have prayed as much as I know how, and am trying to "ease my mind". The moment I start thinking about it, my brain goes to the "What if's" game and I can't and won't let it go there.
I am sitting here next to this sleeping incredible man, that is human and is getting as frustrated as I am. He wants a child just as much as I do, but he hates the schedules, he hates the doctors, he hates the appointments, he hates the lack of privacy. When it comes to infertility there is no privacy in our relationship. We will have to share every intimate detail of our marriage, that in theory is supposed to be private. Where is the justice in that? Sometimes looking at him it is all I can do not to cry in anger. He wants so badly to have the future we envisioned together. To realize that it will not happen "our" way is scary.
So here I am. Broken and confused, yet still hopeful. Is that all even possible?
Please pray for tomorrow. Please?
No comments:
Post a Comment