Expectations.

I told myself that I wasn't going to get my hopes up. I told myself that I wasn't going to expect anything different. BUT after a night of extremely vivid dreams of a pregnancy test that is positive it's hard bit to let my hopes up. I still have yet to have a period and even though I'm not looking forward to it it would be more of a definite answer. I thought it was going to come twice now and still hasn't. I've had the beginning stages but never progressed. Yet again a small amount of hope. I wish i could have the happily ever after. Being surrounded by mothers at church is rough. Even more rough? I know I have checked out of the feelings.
What hurts is I have guilted my closest friends into feeling like they should actually wait to have more children. I realize how wrong that is, and all I can say is I am soooo sorry.
I still feel like I am stuck standing still while the while world is zooming past me. explaining that pain is excruciating. Just another pain in this stupid world of infertility. Just another lesson.