28 Weeks

How far along? 28 Weeks

Total weight gain? 20lbs. I'm still thankful that all of the weight I lost before IVF I still haven't gained it all back.  


Maternity clothes? I wore an outfit that wasn't maternity and felt horrible all day that I cried. . 


Stretch marks? They are quickly multiplying. I am not one that cares.  


Sleep: It's getting better, but not great. 


Best moment this week:  Her room is almost done! 

Miss anything?  Mike leaves this weekend for Army training. The more I think about him leaving, the more I cry. I already miss him. Sunday can take it's time.  


Movement: I never in a million years thought I would love random jabs in my stomach. I actually know I will miss these moments.  


Food cravings: Strawberries  

Anything making you feel queasy or sick: I actually get sick a lot, I'm not sure if I am eating to much, or it's just the food.  

Showing? Yes!


Gender: GIRL

Labor signs: Braxton Hicks are intense! They are sharp shooting pains that stop you right 

in your tracks.

  

26 weeks

                                         

How far along? 26 Weeks

Total weight gain? 18lbs. Big jump from week 20 to week 25 appointment.  


Maternity clothes? It's all I can wear now. 


Stretch marks? I have a couple.  


Sleep: Still really hard. Due to Mike's schedule we try to go to bed around 9-9:30 and I actually fall asleep around 10. I am always up by 4 with being uncomfortable with a couple times in the middle for the bath room. 


Best moment this week:  Seeing her again on the ultrasound. Our little girl is now 2 pounds!

Miss anything? Nothing. I am so grateful for these moments.   


Movement: I believe Grace thinks my stomach is her personal jungle gym. She rolls, moves, kicks, and karate chops all hours of the day. 


Food cravings: Sweet Tea and watermelon. Finally a semi healthy craving! 

Anything making you feel queasy or sick: Nothing new. 

Showing? Yes!


Gender: GIRL

Labor signs: This week was our first sign of labor pains. I had been having some serious pains. My stomach hurt to straighten out, and it even hurt to walk. The pains would ease up and eventually would come back. I was afraid these were contractions so we went in and they said it was very minor contractions but I just needed to take it easy and drink more water than what I had been drinking. Thankfully she was okay, and nothing serious! She's not allowed to come out until July!! 

23 Weeks


How far along? 23 weeks- I am really going to try to get better at this, I promise! 


Total weight gain? Total to date has been 9lbs. 


Maternity clothes? Yes. It's really the only thing I wear now. Other clothes are just too tight.


Stretch marks? I have a couple. I knew they were coming, but I don't mind, it just means she's getting bigger. 


Sleep: Still really hard to come by. Insomnia, and generally being uncomfortable, but I get a sold 4-5 hours. 


Best moment this week:  We bought her bed, and car seat! Placing the bed in the car, and Mike and I sat together and put the car seat together. I dreamed of days like this. It all is starting to feel very real! 
Also, Hayden and I have been talking a lot when I am with her, of how there will be a new baby soon that will be her cousin. This is her first cousin and so she asks a lot of questions. While watching them she wanted to help make something for Grace's room. She helped me pain her monogram and we talked all about the new things that Hayden can help Grace learn. Lastly, this week we finally get to transform a room we have always refereed to as the "baby room" into a room for Grace. Painting, and furniture assembly have never sounded so fun! 

Hayden helping

Daddy was so proud to put your car seat together! Now we just wait on her! 

Loading her bed up to take home! 

I have looked at so many shades of Teal/Aqau/Turquoise to make her room perfect. No more pictures until it is all done! 

Miss anything? Nothing. Surprisingly.  


Movement: No more slight nudging for her! At 23 weeks and 2 days I finally can feel actual jabs from the outside. My favorite feeling is when she roll.


Food cravings: Sweet Tea and ice. I need to ask the Dr. about this, it usually means a sign of low Iron, but I need lots of ice! Specifically Sonic crushed ice! 


Anything making you feel queasy or sick: Taco Bell. Mike and I LOVE Taco bell and would probably eat there 4-5 times a week if we could, but lately the few times we have had it, have made me so sick! This makes me sad! 

Showing? Yes!


Gender: GIRL

Labor signs: Nope.

Week 20

WE ARE HALFWAY THERE!!!

5 months. I still get giddy thinking we made it to such a huge milestone. We are officially on the downhill, and more importantly halfway to meeting our sweet girl.

At Christmas, my sweet friend Margie gave me this chalkboard sign, and I wanted to document week by week. I haven't posted all of theses, because I remember the sting every time seeing one, desperately wanting it to be me. We have them, because I want to document this part of her life for her, but they will stay here only, so if you don't want to see them you can make that decision.

 5 Months! I feel like I woke up one morning and this belly appeared. It makes me so excited that she is getting bigger, and the Dr. said she is right in the position she needs to be.

How far along? 20 weeks

Total weight gain? Suprisingly only 5 lbs so far, I fought really hard to loose weight and achieved 61 lbs before IVF. I did gain some back from not exercising any after the SCH scare. But from Day 1 of pregnancy till week 20 has only been 5lbs. 

Maternity clothes? Yes. I discovered the joy of maternity clothes! I remember crying in the changing room, and feeling relieved, my clothes all hurt! 

Stretch marks? Not yet. I can see them faintly coming though. 

Sleep: What's that? I have horrible insomnia, and our cat has gone crazy thinking it's okay to wake me up when her Daddy leaves for work (3 am!!)

Best moment this week: I finally felt her kick! 19 weeks 4 days. Very faint but it was a moment I anxiously prayed for! 

Miss anything? I'm just now realizing how much I will miss my old life. I am so ready to give it up, but learning in these next months I have to slow down and get ready for the new normal has been really tough. Mike and I have been on our own for almost 10 years, letting that get up and go aspect is hard. But I am so ready to do it! 

Movement: FINALLY! 

Food cravings: It's sad really. Ice cream. I have to have it ALL THE TIME! Which is why I was so surprised of the weight gain. 

Anything making you feel queasy or sick: All of the morning sickness I had, and it was pretty bad, thankfully went away around week 14, but it has come back with a vengeance! Everything makes me sick again. Which is okay, it means her taste buds are forming. 

Showing? Yes!

Gender: GIRL

Labor signs: Nope.

Symptoms: SUPER emotional, random gagging through out the day, and fatigue. 

Belly button in or out? In.

Wedding ring on or off? Off. Only because I lost it about a month ago. A new ring is just not in the budget right now.  

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy. Anxious. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure this week, so I'm concentrated on getting her here safely! Not a minute before July! 

Looking forward to: Another Doctor's visit. We get to finally see the Doctor that began this journey with us, and also checking in with the high risk specialist to see how SCH is looking, and will be her anatomy scan! Let's hope she's still a girl! 

What’s Going on With Baby:

• She weighs about 10.5 ounces now, and is about 10 inches from head to heel. She’s the length of a banana!
• She is swallowing more, and producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. Lovely.
• Her limbs are becoming more distinguished. 
• Is starting to look like Mike and I more and more. The tech even said her chin is very prominent HELLO DADDY! 

It's so hard to believe in 4-5 months I get to finally meet this little girl that I waited so long for! 

Grace Rebecca

Last year, after trying for so long for a baby, Mike and finally did something that we haven't done in so long. We put treatments second and Mike said my birthday present would be a trip to New York City.

I remember getting home and asking Mike, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TOP THIS NEXT YEAR! 

It was definitely topped! 

The doctor told me on our first visit I would have another scan done on week 17 to check for the SCH. This was 10 days before my birthday so I KNEW what I wanted to do. The scan was done and she placed the results in an envelope. The tech said it was certain what it was, I just had to wait 5 days! 

I wanted the reveal to be at church and we invited several of our family and friends. I wanted the people there that have invested so much of themselves with us to be able to experience this moment. 

I also wanted to be the last to know. I wanted Mike to be included, and say he knew something about this pregnancy before I did. So right before we cut the cake, I buried my head into his shoulder and waited on him to whisper in my ear his/her name. The moment I heard "it's Grace". How appropriate, it is Grace and by grace alone that we have gotten to this point. God's amazing grace and love gave me Grace Rebecca! 

I am so excited to have a little girl! I was so nervous that she wouldn't feel special from other family members because there is already girls on both sides, but how naive I was. Gracie is special for so many reasons, and to see the way both of our parents smile when we talk about her, I know all my worries were for nothing. The only one who WAS disappointed was my niece Hayden who so wanted a little boy cousin.

For our family who couldn't be there. 

Long overdue!

Yes, I am still alive!

The good news that I still have to pinch myself when I say this, I'M PREGNANT!! We are super duper second trimester pregnant!

I have all the blog posts that I have written over the last 3 months, but I am very verbose and there are some things that I do want to keep to myself!

But I can break it down for you.

November 21, 2013- I was actually at the hospital with my sister for her surgery. She had discovered that at 10 weeks she had a miscarriage. While one life was being taken away upstairs, I prayed so hard that a new life was just beginning for us. Fast forward to 1:30pm, I am outside with a customer at work showing granite selections off when the number I have memorized pops up. The amazing nurse that was with us from the very first appointment, who told me on transfer day that she was so confident in our little "fighters" told me my HCG was 117. I was pregnant! PREGNANT! IVF REALLY WORKED!! I screamed and then had to politely excuse myself from customers. PREGNANT! Went home and got to celebrate with Mike. He was elated! We knew this was it, this was our happily ever after.

November 22, 2013- I got to go to the hospital we had originally started at and give my favorite nurse the news. She even prayed over the little tube of blood that she took from me. Thankfully there wasn't much of a wait this time. Our number was 240! It had doubled in 1 day! Things were so surreal.

November 25, 2013- Went back for a follow up where the HCG should be in the 500's. All day I had major cramp like pains that made me worry. I prayed constantly. I wanted God to show he was in charge of this journey! I specifically asked God to make the number at least 480. Just so it doubled. 545.6! I will never understand why I question My God!

November 28, 2014- The number had continued to double and was well in the 2000's now. Our first glimpse at the tiny miracle that I prayed so long would come.

It's intentionally blurry, because I am not really supposed to have this picture. 

December 9, 2013- A normal day at work. Mike called and I remember telling him my stomach just felt weird. I thought I just needed the bathroom (TMI, I know). Around 4 is when I noticed the blood. I called Mike who was on his way, and drove myself to the ER. The cramps started pretty bad, and I just felt like I couldn't breathe. I was devestated. How could this happen again? After 9 hours in the ER, that included not getting put into a regular room until almost midnight, an ultrasound tech trying to make conversation, about how fast children grew up, at one point she even asked me "you know, it just happens so fast, while I just turned my head and cried, and also included a very exhausted me looking at Mike and saying "why don't we just leave, we know what's happening." Consider me shocked when at 1:42am they diagnosed me with a Subchorionic Hematoma (SCH). The baby was alive and fine! We were told to go home and rest.

December 15, 2013- Happy Anniversary husband! I am at church when I get extremely lightheaded. I get sweaty, clammy, and the room starts spinning. I go to the bathroom and see more blood, worse this time. Another visit to the ER, where Mike left work and met me there, and at one point I got so sick, I ended up accidentally throwing up all over him. The man didn't even FLINCH! He just sat there, and rubbed my back, and soothed me. More tests were run, but in the end our little fighter is still around and kicking away.

This was taken 2 days before the ER visit. The darker shade to the right is the SCH. 

January 6, 2014- Our first OB appointment, what a surreal moment, to think I would never have this, and to see this tiny miracle that we fought so hard for. After an ultrasound they determined the SCH is still there, and is significant. We were referred to the high risk specialist who will take over care from here on. The high risk specialist informed us that a normal delivery might be out of the question, but it would take time to determine definitely.

February 14, 2014- Another appointment with the high risk specialist where she discovered the sex of the baby. We wouldn't know for almost a week, but the anticipation was worth it. That post is coming.

My scrunched up Valentine. 

February 18, 2014- The best birthday cake I have ever had. Mike and Marie Duncan who have never had it easy when it came to having a family, got to cut into a cake and discover we are having a little GIRL!!! Grace Rebecca Duncan, I can't wait to meet you and finally hold you in my arms.

FET

We arrived home safely from Chicago on Sunday. We could not have asked for a better trip or outcome.

We did some time to explore before our appointment on Saturday.
We drove to Milwaukee because it was only an hour away and we had seen most of Chicago. Milwaukee is COLD. Everyone kept saying there were so many great things to do, they lied. Either we were not in the right spot, or it's all a hoax.

The buildings are pretty though… that's all you get Milwaukee!

Friday we went to explore Chicago more. Somehow we missed "The Bean" last time, so that was necessary this day. Sitting in the park we got a call from the embryologist who asked us how many embryo's we would like to transfer. I was so excited to pick, he got me statistics on each one, and we hand chose 2! One of the potential names we have picked out means "hand chosen" IS THAT NOT PERFECT?!

It was also necessary to find authentic Chicago pizza. Mission accomplished.

While we were in the ridiculous traffic of Chicago, I got the call I was waiting on! The staff called to give me all my instructions for the next day, arrival time, what to bring, and preparations for that night. They told me the key thing to remember was to relax. I was "ordered" to go on a date with my husband and not stress about the next day.
We had a great dinner, so a sweet movie, and had ice cream. Such a perfect night!

SATURDAY!!! FINALLY! After so many set backs, obstacles and hoops to get through, the day was finally here. We had a pretty quiet morning and around 12:30 we were off! I wanted to bring something to the staff to say Thank You so we bought cookies (if I was home I would have made them) and set off for the office. We arrived, checked in, said our thank you's and got changed.

The only part I was  nervous about was if neither embryo's survived the thaw. When the embryologist came in and told me that both survived and looked incredible, that was all it took for me to completely relax.

The procedure went off without any problems. That moment is incredible, inspiring, beautiful, breathtaking, magical, and any other synonym you can imagine. Definitely top 3 moments of my entire life.

Now we wait. We will have a blood test next week, and then a follow-up test to confirm those test results. I'm anxious, but I feel this so deep in my bones. Thank you all so much for following in this journey with us. I truly feel like we are finally at the end of the darkness. This *hopefully* will all be over soon!

We took a journey

When our doctor told us we would have to come back in late October I was defeated. Nothing was working according to my plan. Oh, that's the mercy and grace of Jesus. It couldn't be my plan, it had to be his. 

Last night I looked at my luggage and was so thankful. We were going back! We were finally seeng HIS plan come to life. 

So at 3:30am we loaded in a car to start round 2. 

Normally this early in the AM I would be grouchy, but how could I be? All of my dreams and hopes where a short plane ride away. 

And finally, after so many set backs. I officially checked in this mornng. 

Please pray with us and for us in the next couple days before Saturday, but especially Saturday. 

We made it!! 

Oh, the irony.

On October 24, 2012, I sat in a waiting room for an ultrasound that was to begin at 3:45pm.

I was shaking, nervous, and so beyond thankful. I was pregnant. It was really happening.

Today, Thursday, October 24, 2013, at 3:45 pm, I am sitting in the same doctor's office, same waiting room,  having the same ultrasound done, except this time it is to confirm that everything is looking great. I will officially be one step away from FET. Last check up before we travel.

It is with grateful hearts that I can report, because of the amazing love and kindness of so many, we ARE going to Chicago. The money was raised and $1,700 was debited from our account Tuesday morning.

Today has been a day of sadness for me, but also a day to look forward to this amazing chapter that is being written. I will always love that tiny miracle, and will take a small amount of time to immerse myself in the feelings from last year. But, I also will say a prayer for the roads we have traveled this past year. I KNOW that miracles can happen. With your help we watched as the impossible, God made possible!

Sitting in this waiting room I am still be nervous, scared, and again so far beyond thankful, so much so that my brain could not comprehend last year!


THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

We need a miracle

Call it being stubborn, call it ingenuity, call it whatever you wish. I refuse to give up.

As if the week I have been having isn't bad enough (mother admitted to hospital, then admitted to rehab, having to stay with her to help ease anxiety, and explain care, completely wrecking my car (STUPID DEER), and having to battle for insurance to pay for medicines that I must have) the worst possible thing to happen did.

We were told on Friday that because of the emergency procedures done in Chicago, we have to pay the remaining balance before we can proceed, BEFORE MONDAY! Monday morning we have to have $1700!

The only way this is going to happen, is through Christ. The same man that moves mountains, and heals the sick, can make this happen! We need all of your help. If you can donate, we need 17 people to take this leap of faith with us. 17 people $100 a piece, in 24 hours. Can you please help us, and know that we are desperate at this point. I have come so far and endured so much to have to hear again..... "You have to wait."

God is a MIGHTY GOOD GOD!  Please donate!

1 in 4

On a normal day in October of 2012 I scrolled through Facebook to see multiple friends post status' about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Having had 2 very good friends who had experienced both of these, I wanted to let them know I was thinking about them and praying for their hearts. One friend had experienced 2 miscarriages and now has 2 beautiful girls, ond the other sadly lost her litt boy at 23 weeks. My heart hurt for my friends. Words were not adequate, but it was a least something.

"Thank you both for being so strong in your faith. Thank you for being my friend. I will never know how you each survived the pain of your experience, but you proved that God still reigns…" 

Never would I have imagined that in less that 2 weeks from that e-mail, I would join that elusive club. The club of loss and pain. The club that no one wants or asks to be a part of. 

My heart hurts for so many of my friends who are remembering their angles today. I remember with you, and unfortunately I mourn with you. 

Today is a day about awareness. Mike and I made the difficult decision to be very public about our treatments and this was not traditional, So many people have to suffer alone because they are ashamed or embarrassed. THERE IS NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT! 

Infertility is a disease just like diabetes, cancer, or depression. We did not choose this for ourselves, and I can speak for all of us when I say that we would give anything for a cure.

Say a prayer for those families who are hurting and remembering today. Pray for their peace to mourn their child or in some cases children. While I know some who have had the happiness after the pain, so many haven't. I also pray for those to find the strength to endure whatever path they are on. IUI, IVF, adoption, surrogacy, or simply just saying enough is enough. I love you all. 

I am so thankful I sent that e-mail to my friends. I took a moment that day to reflect on their strength and courage. It was fresh in my heart and mind for me to fight back when I became 1 in 4. 

IVF Update: OHSS

I promised I would update later on everything that happened over IVF. I want it to be very clear that in no shape, form or fashion am I complaining. I believe IVF was a ministering opportunity for us, but I do want to make anyone aware of side effects that can potentially happen. Things happen exactly how they are supposed to. In the book of Jeremiah it clearly states "For I know the plans I have for you…" God knew what was going to happen before we even made it to Chicago. He knew the outcome, and he knows how this will all end.

After waiting for 4 days longer than we were supposed to our retrieval was set for 7:30 on September 12, 2013. I had all of the symptoms before retrieval, but once I was released I never knew the kind of pain you could experience. Our nurses started warning us on Monday of that week that it looked like I was over stimulating. Over Hyperstimulation Syndrome or OHSS is severe, and can be deadly. I remember praying to be able to retrieve at least enough for one cycle. I just needed 2 or 3. They retrieved 39! For OHSS patients 25-30 is considered abnormally high.

Thursday morning on the way to the center was painful. It hurt to fully sit down, it hurt to lay down, and any pressure on my abdomen was excruciating. I was sure once I woke up it would get better. The eggs were removed. We were released and told to go back to the hotel and rest. I layed on the couch and was able to sleep with some pain meds. I woke up 2 hours later and could not stand all the way up. It felt like my stomach was being pulled in half. When I tried to use the restroom it was excruciating. There was so much pressure on my bladder that it hurt. About 2 hours after getting home the nurse called, and asked me my symptoms. She said to push electrolytes and sodium. She also asked Mike to go buy a scale so I could monitor my weight. Pretzels, heating pad, gatorade, chicken broth, medicine repeat. This was my afternoon and early evening. Around 9:30 I got the worst migraine headache that led to extreme nausea. Mike gave me my last Loratab for pain, and I fell asleep. About 3:30AM I woke up knowing I was sick. I threw up for the next 2 hours.
At 6AM we called the center and I explained my symptoms. I really wanted the transfer to happen, so I down played how sick I was, but after realizing how sick I was, I confessed. We were instructed to travel 45 minutes to the main hospital downtown, not eat anything else, and once we got there tell them to examine me immediately for surgery. Once we arrived, I just told them my name, and they took me straight to the ultrasound room. After seeing a tech, nurse and doctor they reduced my fears, and said I should feel better in the days to come.
Satruday morning I knew I would be getting ready to head home. Our chances were reduced and my body would never sustain a pregnancy. So here we are, one month from our Frozen Embryo Transfer, or FET.
I haven't felt normal in over a month. I still am taking daily medications (Lupron) to suppress ovulation. Lupron gives me the worst headaches, hot flashes, and a sweet tooth that could rival Mr. Wonka. This will all be worth it! I know it!

Southbound.

I thought when I got to finally say we were headed home IVF would be behind us. Sadly, that's not our case. 

The retrieval finally happened on Thursday! They retrieved 39 (!!!) eggs! In the world of IVF this is incredible!! Explains why I was in so much pain leading up to retrieval. 25 made it to fertilization and 17 fertilized normally. But more on all of this later. 

When we were told we may have to do a freeze all cycle I was worried. I didn't want to invest so much and go home empty handed. Our doctor said it would be up to my body whether or not we transferred or not. I was confident we were hanging out till Wednesday. However, when I woke up Friday things changed. My body essentially was rejecting some of the medicines I needed. Nausea, vomiting, headaches, and pain in my heart. We called in go check and they sent us to a new location to be checked out. Words like "emergency ultrasound" "possible surgery" and "remove dangerous fluids" were all being used. Thank God, everything checked out normally, and we were sent home to rest. Sickness never went away and finally Doctor called us in for a meeting and evaluation on Saturday morning. 

Our doctor has been incredible and explained to us everything that was going on. She essentially said my body was an over achiever and over stimulated. My progesterone level (which makes embryo attach to the lining) spiked too soon. Because of this it reduced our risk of a success by 50%. This was our deciding factor to come home. Those are not odds I am willing to take. 

On top of all of this, I want to be healthy when I carry our child. I want to look back on this time and be thankful for every minute. Right now, I'm just sick. Ill be glad to remove some of these pills for our regiment and focus on what's next. 

Our center was so great we already have our FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle arranged and we will be back in Chicago on October 24. Yup, one year to the day that we got the news of our first pregnancy. I have prayed God would ease my hurt a little on that day. What better way to ease your hurt than to be excited about a new life being put into your body. 

GOD IS GUIDING THIS JOURNEY! I may not always know His plan, but he does!!

So now we head south! I'm excited to see our dogs, to snuggle with our cat, to sleep in my bed tonight, see our families and our friends! 

Plus, I hear its fall like weather at home! Looks like we did bring a piece of Chicago home with us! You're welcome GA! 

Weary

I wish I had positive good news to report, and I do in one aspect.

Friday was our first appointment in Chicago. Our thoughts were that we would have one appointment and do the retrieval on Monday. Not so much! We believed all along going in that we would be here for 10 days MAX. That is now almost 14 days.
Friday's results came in and the numbers and count were not fantastic (6 follicles and E@ was 109) . "Come back Saturday"
Saturday's results came in and tech was pretty positive that I would be back on Sunday. No retrieval on Monday (8 follicles and "a bagillion" small ones and E2 was at 541) Come back Sunday" 
Sundays results came in still I was told to plan to come the next day (14 follicles highes one being 21mm and E2 was 962) Was told to come back Monday. This now moves the retrieval til Wednesday.

By Monday my body is tired. Mike is tired, I am tired.  We are at the doctor's office every morning before 7 am and I am having an ultrasound and being stuck every single day. I am a small vein person, so they are sticking the same vein every day. I look like a junkie.

Monday the tech said she was sure she would see me tomorrow. No more Wednesday retrieval for me! Levels came back and all the small follicles are catching up, so I have to give them some time. Follicles were at 18 and the E2 is 1793. Sure enough we were told to come back on Tuesday.
Tuesday (9-10-13). The tech sounded confident that I was done.She said she counted 28 follicles  Got the results back a little while ago, she was wrong! There are 41!!!!! In the world of IVF that is amazing and bad at the same time. My E2 is now 3019. My ovaries are the size of tennis balls (normal women are the size of walnuts), which explains all the uncomfortable feelings.FINALLY I get to do my "trigger" shot and our retrieval is set for Thursday.

However, there is a problem. Along with all my other levels my raising really high, my progesterone levels are getting to high. This is a #1 indicator for OHSS. OHSS is extremely dangerouns, and will not go away once pregnant, so it could also be dangerous for baby. I will continue to have blood checked, but if levels do not level out we have 2 options.  All of my levels being so high, and the high quantity of eggs, is a dead give away.
      1. Take our chances and continue on with the risks (failed IVF, higher rate for miscarriage, and in most extremem cases death for me)
      2. Retrieve all eggs, and freeze. Wait for one month and come back once my blood levels have returned to normal levels.

Essentially Mike and I only care about having a healthy happy pregnancy. What might be inconvenient now and uncomfortable, will be worth it the day we hold our baby in our arms. I will fight whatever I have to in order to achieve that. Mike is adamant that we will not pursue anything that puts my life at risk.

So retrieval is definitely set for Thursday. Tomorrow is a no shots day :-), and I plan on enjoying that!  From there it is day by day. Blood work in the AM and results in the afternoon. Worse case scenario we come home on Saturday and make the trip again in October or November. Or we come home on Wednesday, and take our chances.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. My body is tired, my body is sore, my heart is tired, and my body has reached it's limit. We miss our home, we miss our family and friends and shockingly we miss our jobs! We feel like God is guiding this journey, and I am confident he will continue to do so. We love you all!

We did get one beautiful sightseeing day. Thanks to the USO everything we did was wither free, or BOGO! Enjoy our pictures from Chicago!

                                                                Navy Pier Ferris Wheel

                                                              Navy Pier and Chicago

                                                                        Wrigley Field
                                                                         

                              We will always be Braves Fans, but the Green Giant was worth seeing!

Blogging from Chicago!

Greetings from the Windy City!

Mike and I made the long journey from our little town in GA to Chicago, IL. We arrived here around 9:30 CST last night. We unloaded a car that was loaded down, and headed straight to bed! This girl was tired, and all I did was ride!

This morning (September 6, 2013) started out as breakfast in the hotel. If anyone ever doubts my thoughts on how much my husband eats: I had a small amount of eggs, and turkey bacon for breakfast. Mike had Eggs, hash-brown casserole, potato cakes, muffin, cereal, yogurt and a huge waffle! THE BOY CAN EAT!!

Next, we made the short drive to our Dr.'s office. We pulled in and I got super emotional.

The center that will change our lives!

The update is my body just isn't cooperating! I have been increased on meds (on Wednesday) and still with the double dosage, my body isn't growing what it needs to. I have approxiamatley 10 follicles present when there should be around 20. I am waiting on a call to confirm what to do from here. The nurse said it probably means longer periods of meds.

Which means more money for meds, more money for the hotel, and more money for food. I am continuing to pray, and hopefully everything falls into place as it should. Will you also pray with us?

Medicines

Did I robs pharmacy? Nope. Did I clean out our medicine cabinet? Nope. Is that mine and Mike's medicines combined? again, nope. Is that all the medicines I will need for 10 days? BINGO! One month ago I took 1 tiny pill a day. Now it has progressed to this. 

8-29 was my first baseline ultrasound that begins IVF. My levels were all good according to Doctor. 

Our injections began on 8-30. My stomach has been really crampy, and tender, I knew this was to be expected, and oh the hot flashes! My only negative side effect has been the hot flashes! 

Mike has been incredible through this whole process. He tells me to relax, will do any housework and will rub my feet anytime I'm sitting down. Our next ultrasound is Tuesday and then we get the green light to travel! 

Nerves

7 days! My head doesn't seem to grasp that. In 7 short days I will load up in a car and head to a brand new city, that neither one of us has ever been, and navigate this crazy life of IVF. However, I think my heart has been ready for this for 6 years.

In January, we were told that IVF was my only option. I was devastated. I was crippled. I thought at the time this would never happen. Now, not only is it happening it is happening soon!

More than anything I think I am proud of the fact that through this whole journey is it has been Christ led. Every step, every decision, every aspect of this has been prayed over, and given over to Him. This is the only way for us.  We KNOW he is leading, he has taken the reigns and we are just dutifully following.

All that being said, I am scared. There have been days where I have had to pray every hour, sometimes every minute for God to take away the fear, and He has every time. I have calmed down, I have regrouped and tackled whatever it was in front of me.

The thought of IVF is daunting. The money is astronomical. The shots are painful. The risk of this all ending in my heart broken is debilitating. My nerves sometimes run away from me. This is where we are pleading for your help.

So many things have been thrown in our way to stop this from happening, but our God has overcome them in a way only He can. We have paid out of pocket for expenses we never saw coming. Just this morning I had to pay $3,314.49 for medicines I thought were going to be covered. We have begged, and borrowed, every dollar we could. Yet, we are still in need.

If you are able to donate, please do so in knowing that every single cent is going for this journey. We are still a bit ways away because of those surprise costs, but I know I serve a God bigger than money.

Will you also please pray with us. This journey has never been mine. It is all for a lesson coming from a teacher who knows the plan He has for us. Whether that lesson be good or bad. Pray my heart is ready to receive it. Pray for the needles to not seem so scary, the trip to be as relaxing as possible.

Lastly, pray for my sweet husband. He has had to endure quite a bit, and suffer silently. As a man, he takes the brunt of it all. He has no one to reach out to. He is the one that has to willingly inflect pain on me every single day, something that he swore to me he would never do,  all for a chance. He will have to drive 13 hours one way, sit in a hotel for 10 days essentially alone while I sleep. My heart hurts for him. Pray with me, give him strength in this, give his hands the precision they need for shots, and give him the strength to endure the next couple weeks.
*If you are reading this, YOU are the only one I would willingly do this with.* 

Good or bad in 7 days it is out of my hands. I will live my life knowing I have done everything I could. Again, if you can donate, please do. We really need you. Thank you for loving us.

Please use this link to donate:
A Donation for the Duncan's

Let's get started.

Hi Blog world! I apologize that I have been avoiding this post for weeks now!

We received an e-mail from our RE that says, "Officially IVF patients for September 2013."
I never knew one e-mail could excite you, and terrify you all in the same breath! It has begun! We have done all necessary appointments, and tests preparing for this, and now there is nothing else, but to start.
On Tuesday (August 6, 2013) we will have the last "meeting" (over the phone consultation) with the Dr. before we officially meet on surgery day. This weekend we will go and have 42(!!!) pages notarized to agree to treatment. No, that is not a typo, it really is 42! It's all really happening.

We have found a great hotel to stay in while we are in Chicago. I was always afraid that we would spend to much, or the hotel would be a rat's nest. It's not. We are a little ways out of the city, so it was cheaper, and it looks very decent from the pictures. The reviews are great, and we both feel comfortable with the amenities. Mike will essentially be by himself on surgery day 1 and 2, while my sole job is to REST REST REST! I wanted him to have SOMETHING to do, other than watch me sleep.

These next weeks are when the posts and information are going to be more scarce. There simply are not words adequate enough to express our gratitude, but we have to TRY and keep this close to us from here on out. Mike and I are humbled by the love from so many to help make this possible so we WILL update you, whether it be good news or bad come the right time. We know that our families and friends will all understand this.

Please be in prayer for us (me specifically). I have been struggling with accepting that this is it. Whether the outcome be good or bad, this will be the end of our Fertility Treatment journey. I have fought this battle for close to 6 years, and have experienced more pain that I would wish on my worst nightmare. I am ready to be off this train, and move on with life. Grasping that it all comes down to this is hard sometimes, but we believe that God has led us to this moment. He will not let us fall now.

ALSO: I wanted to share 2 incredible blog posts I have read this week. They are both friends from Twitter, and they have put words to this life of ours that I could never do justice for.

I Wanna Know What Love Is
Erin wrote this, and I couldn't agree more.

and the blog that made me cry for a solid 30 minutes?

Grace
So beautifully written and gives all of us a little validation in this cruel world.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. Sometimes I think I just need it.

Letting go.

Today is your estimated due date. Today is the day that I was so sure all of our dreams were going to come true. Today is the day that for 3 days I prayed would hurry up and get here.

3 Days. 72 Hours. 4,320 minutes. 259,200 seconds. I loved you every second. I loved you long before I knew, and I love you still.

I think you about you every day, but especially today. I think about you when I see the scars that were left behind when they took you out. I think about you when I drive by that hospital. I think about you when I hear a certain song, or think about Halloween. I think about you now when we are starring down IVF, I didn't think I would ever need this. I had you! You were so so so wanted. You were so loved!

A very big part of me wants to be sad about today. I want to be angry I never got to know you, but instead I have to be happy that you existed. I got to see the looks on so many of our families and friends faces, as I told them you were finally happening. No matter the outcome, those memories I will never forget. Just when I thought I was done, and I couldn't go anymore, you restored my hope in miracles. YOU were my miracle.

For 3 days I prayed the next nine months would fly by, but instead I have spent the past 8 1/2 months dreading this day. In my perfect little dream you are here, and you are healthy, you are this beautiful combination of your Daddy and I. You are so perfect, too perfect in fact, way to perfect to live in this broken world. So you don't. You live in my memories of all the plans I had for you, you live in my heart.

Thank you for being my miracle.
Love,
Mommy

Today will be hard. Today is just going to plain suck, the only silver lining is we do have something to look forward to. In September we will be pursuing IVF, but it is costly. Would you please be in prayer with us, and if you feel led there is a link to the right to donate to our cause. Every dime we will be spent towards this trip and achieving this miracle that we are so desperately in search of. We love you all! Thank you for going on this journey with us.

Please click here to donate

To the father who didn't get to be.

My heart aches today. I have had several breakdowns throughout the day, because Mike can't celebrate today. I am very aware that one week from now should be the day that we are celebrating the birth of our child. If my perfect little dream had come true I could be either VERY VERY pregnant right now, or holding our newborn child. Today hurts more than other years, because as much as I want to be a Mom, I want to make Mike a father. He is the epitome of what a good Dad is. He deserves this. In the 3 short, blissful, amazing days we had to know about our child he was a doting Dad. He talked to his child, he loved his child's mom in a way that took my breath away. He put plans in place to ensure that any child of his would be loved, and know they were everything to him. So to the father who isn't today. This is for you.. 

There are no words for today. I ache to make you a father, and while we were so close, this day reminds me of how far we were. I am absolutely sure of one thing in this life, you were meant to be a Dad. Those 3 sweet days we had make want to hold on for our future. In the days that followed that awful day our dream ended and now YOU are what make me push through. You are the strongest man I know, and you amaze me with the selfless love you have. There is NO ONE in this world who is more proud of you, or loves you more that I do.
So for you, and only for you I will fight in the next couple months. I will endure any procedure, I will endure any shot, I will take it all, and fight to make this procedure a success because you my dear sweet handsome husband deserve to be a father. I am so blessed that in this life whatever child(ren) we may have. They get YOU as a Dad. Thank you for reminding me what we are fighting for, that you for constantly reassuring me, and for simply holding me while I cry. I can't promise that these next couple weeks are going to be a walk in the park, because they won't. I do promise you tell you how much I love you every single day, and hopefully 1 year from now we can celebrate your first official Father's Day!
I love you now and always,
Me

Happy Father's Day
Love, Brownie, Tiger, Ginger (and the best angel Daddy there is to PJ)