Southbound.

I thought when I got to finally say we were headed home IVF would be behind us. Sadly, that's not our case. 

The retrieval finally happened on Thursday! They retrieved 39 (!!!) eggs! In the world of IVF this is incredible!! Explains why I was in so much pain leading up to retrieval. 25 made it to fertilization and 17 fertilized normally. But more on all of this later. 

When we were told we may have to do a freeze all cycle I was worried. I didn't want to invest so much and go home empty handed. Our doctor said it would be up to my body whether or not we transferred or not. I was confident we were hanging out till Wednesday. However, when I woke up Friday things changed. My body essentially was rejecting some of the medicines I needed. Nausea, vomiting, headaches, and pain in my heart. We called in go check and they sent us to a new location to be checked out. Words like "emergency ultrasound" "possible surgery" and "remove dangerous fluids" were all being used. Thank God, everything checked out normally, and we were sent home to rest. Sickness never went away and finally Doctor called us in for a meeting and evaluation on Saturday morning. 

Our doctor has been incredible and explained to us everything that was going on. She essentially said my body was an over achiever and over stimulated. My progesterone level (which makes embryo attach to the lining) spiked too soon. Because of this it reduced our risk of a success by 50%. This was our deciding factor to come home. Those are not odds I am willing to take. 

On top of all of this, I want to be healthy when I carry our child. I want to look back on this time and be thankful for every minute. Right now, I'm just sick. Ill be glad to remove some of these pills for our regiment and focus on what's next. 

Our center was so great we already have our FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle arranged and we will be back in Chicago on October 24. Yup, one year to the day that we got the news of our first pregnancy. I have prayed God would ease my hurt a little on that day. What better way to ease your hurt than to be excited about a new life being put into your body. 

GOD IS GUIDING THIS JOURNEY! I may not always know His plan, but he does!!

So now we head south! I'm excited to see our dogs, to snuggle with our cat, to sleep in my bed tonight, see our families and our friends! 

Plus, I hear its fall like weather at home! Looks like we did bring a piece of Chicago home with us! You're welcome GA! 

Weary

I wish I had positive good news to report, and I do in one aspect.

Friday was our first appointment in Chicago. Our thoughts were that we would have one appointment and do the retrieval on Monday. Not so much! We believed all along going in that we would be here for 10 days MAX. That is now almost 14 days.
Friday's results came in and the numbers and count were not fantastic (6 follicles and E@ was 109) . "Come back Saturday"
Saturday's results came in and tech was pretty positive that I would be back on Sunday. No retrieval on Monday (8 follicles and "a bagillion" small ones and E2 was at 541) Come back Sunday" 
Sundays results came in still I was told to plan to come the next day (14 follicles highes one being 21mm and E2 was 962) Was told to come back Monday. This now moves the retrieval til Wednesday.

By Monday my body is tired. Mike is tired, I am tired.  We are at the doctor's office every morning before 7 am and I am having an ultrasound and being stuck every single day. I am a small vein person, so they are sticking the same vein every day. I look like a junkie.

Monday the tech said she was sure she would see me tomorrow. No more Wednesday retrieval for me! Levels came back and all the small follicles are catching up, so I have to give them some time. Follicles were at 18 and the E2 is 1793. Sure enough we were told to come back on Tuesday.
Tuesday (9-10-13). The tech sounded confident that I was done.She said she counted 28 follicles  Got the results back a little while ago, she was wrong! There are 41!!!!! In the world of IVF that is amazing and bad at the same time. My E2 is now 3019. My ovaries are the size of tennis balls (normal women are the size of walnuts), which explains all the uncomfortable feelings.FINALLY I get to do my "trigger" shot and our retrieval is set for Thursday.

However, there is a problem. Along with all my other levels my raising really high, my progesterone levels are getting to high. This is a #1 indicator for OHSS. OHSS is extremely dangerouns, and will not go away once pregnant, so it could also be dangerous for baby. I will continue to have blood checked, but if levels do not level out we have 2 options.  All of my levels being so high, and the high quantity of eggs, is a dead give away.
      1. Take our chances and continue on with the risks (failed IVF, higher rate for miscarriage, and in most extremem cases death for me)
      2. Retrieve all eggs, and freeze. Wait for one month and come back once my blood levels have returned to normal levels.

Essentially Mike and I only care about having a healthy happy pregnancy. What might be inconvenient now and uncomfortable, will be worth it the day we hold our baby in our arms. I will fight whatever I have to in order to achieve that. Mike is adamant that we will not pursue anything that puts my life at risk.

So retrieval is definitely set for Thursday. Tomorrow is a no shots day :-), and I plan on enjoying that!  From there it is day by day. Blood work in the AM and results in the afternoon. Worse case scenario we come home on Saturday and make the trip again in October or November. Or we come home on Wednesday, and take our chances.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. My body is tired, my body is sore, my heart is tired, and my body has reached it's limit. We miss our home, we miss our family and friends and shockingly we miss our jobs! We feel like God is guiding this journey, and I am confident he will continue to do so. We love you all!

We did get one beautiful sightseeing day. Thanks to the USO everything we did was wither free, or BOGO! Enjoy our pictures from Chicago!

                                                                Navy Pier Ferris Wheel

                                                              Navy Pier and Chicago

                                                                        Wrigley Field
                                                                         

                              We will always be Braves Fans, but the Green Giant was worth seeing!

Blogging from Chicago!

Greetings from the Windy City!

Mike and I made the long journey from our little town in GA to Chicago, IL. We arrived here around 9:30 CST last night. We unloaded a car that was loaded down, and headed straight to bed! This girl was tired, and all I did was ride!

This morning (September 6, 2013) started out as breakfast in the hotel. If anyone ever doubts my thoughts on how much my husband eats: I had a small amount of eggs, and turkey bacon for breakfast. Mike had Eggs, hash-brown casserole, potato cakes, muffin, cereal, yogurt and a huge waffle! THE BOY CAN EAT!!

Next, we made the short drive to our Dr.'s office. We pulled in and I got super emotional.

The center that will change our lives!

The update is my body just isn't cooperating! I have been increased on meds (on Wednesday) and still with the double dosage, my body isn't growing what it needs to. I have approxiamatley 10 follicles present when there should be around 20. I am waiting on a call to confirm what to do from here. The nurse said it probably means longer periods of meds.

Which means more money for meds, more money for the hotel, and more money for food. I am continuing to pray, and hopefully everything falls into place as it should. Will you also pray with us?

Medicines

Did I robs pharmacy? Nope. Did I clean out our medicine cabinet? Nope. Is that mine and Mike's medicines combined? again, nope. Is that all the medicines I will need for 10 days? BINGO! One month ago I took 1 tiny pill a day. Now it has progressed to this. 

8-29 was my first baseline ultrasound that begins IVF. My levels were all good according to Doctor. 

Our injections began on 8-30. My stomach has been really crampy, and tender, I knew this was to be expected, and oh the hot flashes! My only negative side effect has been the hot flashes! 

Mike has been incredible through this whole process. He tells me to relax, will do any housework and will rub my feet anytime I'm sitting down. Our next ultrasound is Tuesday and then we get the green light to travel! 

Nerves

7 days! My head doesn't seem to grasp that. In 7 short days I will load up in a car and head to a brand new city, that neither one of us has ever been, and navigate this crazy life of IVF. However, I think my heart has been ready for this for 6 years.

In January, we were told that IVF was my only option. I was devastated. I was crippled. I thought at the time this would never happen. Now, not only is it happening it is happening soon!

More than anything I think I am proud of the fact that through this whole journey is it has been Christ led. Every step, every decision, every aspect of this has been prayed over, and given over to Him. This is the only way for us.  We KNOW he is leading, he has taken the reigns and we are just dutifully following.

All that being said, I am scared. There have been days where I have had to pray every hour, sometimes every minute for God to take away the fear, and He has every time. I have calmed down, I have regrouped and tackled whatever it was in front of me.

The thought of IVF is daunting. The money is astronomical. The shots are painful. The risk of this all ending in my heart broken is debilitating. My nerves sometimes run away from me. This is where we are pleading for your help.

So many things have been thrown in our way to stop this from happening, but our God has overcome them in a way only He can. We have paid out of pocket for expenses we never saw coming. Just this morning I had to pay $3,314.49 for medicines I thought were going to be covered. We have begged, and borrowed, every dollar we could. Yet, we are still in need.

If you are able to donate, please do so in knowing that every single cent is going for this journey. We are still a bit ways away because of those surprise costs, but I know I serve a God bigger than money.

Will you also please pray with us. This journey has never been mine. It is all for a lesson coming from a teacher who knows the plan He has for us. Whether that lesson be good or bad. Pray my heart is ready to receive it. Pray for the needles to not seem so scary, the trip to be as relaxing as possible.

Lastly, pray for my sweet husband. He has had to endure quite a bit, and suffer silently. As a man, he takes the brunt of it all. He has no one to reach out to. He is the one that has to willingly inflect pain on me every single day, something that he swore to me he would never do,  all for a chance. He will have to drive 13 hours one way, sit in a hotel for 10 days essentially alone while I sleep. My heart hurts for him. Pray with me, give him strength in this, give his hands the precision they need for shots, and give him the strength to endure the next couple weeks.
*If you are reading this, YOU are the only one I would willingly do this with.* 

Good or bad in 7 days it is out of my hands. I will live my life knowing I have done everything I could. Again, if you can donate, please do. We really need you. Thank you for loving us.

Please use this link to donate:
A Donation for the Duncan's

Let's get started.

Hi Blog world! I apologize that I have been avoiding this post for weeks now!

We received an e-mail from our RE that says, "Officially IVF patients for September 2013."
I never knew one e-mail could excite you, and terrify you all in the same breath! It has begun! We have done all necessary appointments, and tests preparing for this, and now there is nothing else, but to start.
On Tuesday (August 6, 2013) we will have the last "meeting" (over the phone consultation) with the Dr. before we officially meet on surgery day. This weekend we will go and have 42(!!!) pages notarized to agree to treatment. No, that is not a typo, it really is 42! It's all really happening.

We have found a great hotel to stay in while we are in Chicago. I was always afraid that we would spend to much, or the hotel would be a rat's nest. It's not. We are a little ways out of the city, so it was cheaper, and it looks very decent from the pictures. The reviews are great, and we both feel comfortable with the amenities. Mike will essentially be by himself on surgery day 1 and 2, while my sole job is to REST REST REST! I wanted him to have SOMETHING to do, other than watch me sleep.

These next weeks are when the posts and information are going to be more scarce. There simply are not words adequate enough to express our gratitude, but we have to TRY and keep this close to us from here on out. Mike and I are humbled by the love from so many to help make this possible so we WILL update you, whether it be good news or bad come the right time. We know that our families and friends will all understand this.

Please be in prayer for us (me specifically). I have been struggling with accepting that this is it. Whether the outcome be good or bad, this will be the end of our Fertility Treatment journey. I have fought this battle for close to 6 years, and have experienced more pain that I would wish on my worst nightmare. I am ready to be off this train, and move on with life. Grasping that it all comes down to this is hard sometimes, but we believe that God has led us to this moment. He will not let us fall now.

ALSO: I wanted to share 2 incredible blog posts I have read this week. They are both friends from Twitter, and they have put words to this life of ours that I could never do justice for.

I Wanna Know What Love Is
Erin wrote this, and I couldn't agree more.

and the blog that made me cry for a solid 30 minutes?

Grace
So beautifully written and gives all of us a little validation in this cruel world.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. Sometimes I think I just need it.

Letting go.

Today is your estimated due date. Today is the day that I was so sure all of our dreams were going to come true. Today is the day that for 3 days I prayed would hurry up and get here.

3 Days. 72 Hours. 4,320 minutes. 259,200 seconds. I loved you every second. I loved you long before I knew, and I love you still.

I think you about you every day, but especially today. I think about you when I see the scars that were left behind when they took you out. I think about you when I drive by that hospital. I think about you when I hear a certain song, or think about Halloween. I think about you now when we are starring down IVF, I didn't think I would ever need this. I had you! You were so so so wanted. You were so loved!

A very big part of me wants to be sad about today. I want to be angry I never got to know you, but instead I have to be happy that you existed. I got to see the looks on so many of our families and friends faces, as I told them you were finally happening. No matter the outcome, those memories I will never forget. Just when I thought I was done, and I couldn't go anymore, you restored my hope in miracles. YOU were my miracle.

For 3 days I prayed the next nine months would fly by, but instead I have spent the past 8 1/2 months dreading this day. In my perfect little dream you are here, and you are healthy, you are this beautiful combination of your Daddy and I. You are so perfect, too perfect in fact, way to perfect to live in this broken world. So you don't. You live in my memories of all the plans I had for you, you live in my heart.

Thank you for being my miracle.
Love,
Mommy

Today will be hard. Today is just going to plain suck, the only silver lining is we do have something to look forward to. In September we will be pursuing IVF, but it is costly. Would you please be in prayer with us, and if you feel led there is a link to the right to donate to our cause. Every dime we will be spent towards this trip and achieving this miracle that we are so desperately in search of. We love you all! Thank you for going on this journey with us.

Please click here to donate