Ok God, your timing not mine! I get it!
This morning I am nursing an aching heart, and a battered
ego.
Last night was supposed to be our injections for IUI#2.
After receiving the needles, and realizing not only was the needle 2 times
bigger, but the medications had tripled so it meant 3 shots instead of 1. I
freaked out a little. I spent my entire drive home from work making sure that I
was mentally ready for what was coming. I cried, I prayed, and then I listened.
When I finally rolled into my drive way I felt at peace and knew that I could
handle it. What were 3 more pricks if it meant a baby at the end?
When Husband finally came in from work he had a look of
defeat on his face. There was no way he could be off for the possible day of
the procedure. The wonderful man that he is tried everything he could do to get
off and even was willing to give up both of his off days so someone could give
him just Monday. It was no use.
After all the worrying about making sure I had a way home from the
hospital, and worrying about the money, and the needles, the hot flashes,
sweating, tears, outbursts, and the many other side effects of all the pills,
it was all useless. We cannot go through with it this round. We decided not to
waist the shots and just wait till October. Of course I was upset so much so that I went to bed super
early (7:30 or 8) and cried myself to sleep.
While there is no one to really be mad at other than his
job, I can’t even be mad at that. His job pays our bills, they provide us with
a pretty decent health insurance, and are so accommodating with mostly
everything Mike needs. However, I did take the pills that were required, so I
have pure hormones running through my system and I want to be at someone or
something!
So okay God, I get it your timing is perfect. Thank you for
my reminder, and I will trust your plan for our life! We were already starting to
worry at the beginning of this turn that the bills were climbing too fast, I
have to believe this is the answer to those questions, sadly I think my answer
to those prayers is: “Not now, just wait”. So we will, we will pay down the debt in the next month, and look forward to when its time.
Please just pray that in this next month or 2 we just wait
with patient hearts. Waiting has never been something I consider myself good at. I’m not sure when it will be our turn, but I trust the
plan that God has for my life. That has to be enough.
